Thursday, October 11, 2012

33 Things I Learned Before I Turned 33

Inspired by a friend of mine, Chris Olson, these are things I've learned in my 33 years of life.
It's been a helluva run to get here but, dammit I did.
Every day, every week, every month, and every year, we embark on this journey of life with each other. These are just my own meandering observations of what it's taken to become me. Hopefully, you'll learn something, laugh a lot, and maybe shed a tear. Every time I wrote one of these, I did one or the other. Learn my friends, and love one another.

#1) If you ever want to see a tear in my eye, just mention Grandma. She was my rock.

#2) I've only ever been in love twice.
      One of them is a flagrant bastard, and the other one is still my friend.
      I miss him everyday.
      We haven't talked in months. Stings.

#3) Arrogance isn't confidence.
      Confidence isn't arrogance.
      Arrogance is just ignorance in disguise.

#4) Don't be a victim.
      Life has thrown me some terrible curve balls, but I've licked my wounds and moved on.

#5) My mother is a total cunt. My father is a bigot and a hate monger.
      Luckily, the apple DID fall far from the tree.

#6) Buy good lube and ALWAYS have condoms.
      The one time you don't have either, you'll bring home a total 10.

#7) It's OK for a gay man to tell a straight man he loves him and vise versa.
      It doesn't make either one of them anything other than caring men.

#8) I've got a handful of friends I've know for nearly all, or most of my life.
      They know me better than my own immediate family.
      It's says a lot about them...and my family.

#9) Your DNA doesn't have to match those you call your family.
      In fact, none of my DNA matches the ones I call dad, bro, sis, or uncle

#10) If I hug you, it's because you need it or I need it.
        Who cares?
        Just accept it and enjoy it.

#11) If I ever told you I loved you, I meant it

#12) If your reading this, I care enough about you to call you my friend.
        With that dubious title, you're entitled to calling me all hours of the night,
         telling me about your latest adventures, new boyfriend, and yes, I'd love to join you for dinner.
        I'm the most loyal, compassionate friend you could ever have.
        Just don't fuck it up

#13) It's OK to love a good drink, a good man, or a good steak.
        Just don't let any one of them kill you.

#14) My grandpa taught me how to be a man.
        My grandma taught me how to be a gentleman.

#15) Sex is great with multiple partners.
        Love is best with one

#16) I'm damn glad I am who I am.
        I wouldn't want to be anyone else.
       There's only one me.
       Some will rejoice.
       Some will snicker.
       If your reading this I hope you're thinking "I wish we had 10 more of you."

#17) It's OK to dance in the car.
        I whole-heatedly approve.
        Have you ever seen a bear jam out to Katy Perry in a Miata?
        It's pretty fucking epic.

#18) Cuddling is better than fucking.
        But then again I use cuddling as a euphemism for fucking.
        It's like Russian roulette with me

#19) You can't buy happiness but, you can buy hookers and booze.

#20) If it fly's, fucks, or floats, RENT IT. Cheaper that way.

#21) It's OK to be the first one to say "I love you".
        If its in the middle of sex, you're fucked.

#22) Some say don't meet your heroes.
         I've met my hero.
         I call him Grandpa

#23) There's nothing a good country song can't fix.

#24) Your born alone. You die alone.
         It's what you do in the middle that counts.

#25) I've had a few bad breakups.
         Hell, when I ran out of bourbon this morning, I was all broke up

#26) God does listen.
        Even if he doesn't answer the phone

#27) Don't lie.
        It's not worth it.
        The truth always comes out in the end.

#28) Complacency is failure.
         Don't plan to fail.
         Take action. Now.

#29) Hold doors for people.
        Your simple act can make a persons day.
        That little interaction can give a person hope on what might be the worst day of their life.
        Do it.

#30) Ride a motorcycle.
        Drive a sports car.
        Go with your sister to a remote town for dinner in a Jeep with the top off.
        Drive yourself silly on random road trips and make memories.
        Facebook can't so that.

#31) I've never spent 2 birthdays with the same boyfriend.
         I'm going stag this year, just like I did in '79.
         AND it's OK.
         I'm awesome. I've got great friend, an amazing family, and for 33, I'm still looking good.
         I win.
         Thank you.

#32) Demons of my past don't control my future.
         I've fucked up in 33 years and paid dearly.
         It's OK. I've recovered and moved on. You can too.

#33) Turn your setbacks into comebacks.
         I've lost love, family, and money.
         It doesn't matter at the end of the day.
         What matters is how you rise from the ashes.
         In the end.
         Just be yourself.
         I have.
         I'd like to think that's why you reading this like to think "That's my buddy Dann."

Please feel free to leave a comment, I'd enjoy the feedback of this blog, and the thoughts of my list.

Until we meet again,

-The Dann

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